Jessica and Yasmine: Desperate Douchbag Episode 1 "Its a Small World After All"

(Mid September 2008)

Alright, lets start this out with my favorite story. All the post that follow will probably never live up to this one, but I have to tell them in order. Be patient and let this story develop, its worth it I promise.

So shortly after Monica and I split, I wiped away the tears, put my game face on and headed out on the town. On a Thursday evening, at one of my favorite local watering holes, I met Jessica. As I tell these stories, you will find that women fall into one of two distinct categories. The crazy ones that deserve anything that comes to them, and the innocent ones that get caught up in the mix. Well Jessica definitely falls into the innocent category. We talked for hours that night and seemed to have a great deal in common. She lived a long way away from the bar and we drank for hours. As a result I invited her to stay at my place with a promise of no funny business. She agreed, probably based on the kind words the bartender had to say about me.

You will see as you read my blog that the promise of "no funny business" never quite works out. This is not to say that I take women home with a plan to charm their panties off, but yet it usually happens that way. Jessica and I did in fact go the distance and had a nice kiss goodbye in the bar parking lot the next morning. I waited the standard couple of days and then called her to go out again. I got no response and felt as if I was being blown off. I am not the type to over pursue, so I backed away (for the moment anyway). That following Sunday, a friend of mine brought a girl named Yasmine to a little Sunday football party we were having. They were together, but you could tell they hadn't been for long. It's not my style to pursue a friends girl, but he didn't seem all that into her anyway. He actually got into an argument with her and left and I swooped in. I had her interested in no time and we ended up going out later that week. She also ended up in my bed in a hurry and we had a few straight days of fun.

In the mean time I started hearing from Jessica again, so now I find myself talking to two girls, which is dangerous territory. That Friday Yasmine and I went out again and again she stayed at my place. I woke up that morning and she wasn't in bed next to me. I didn't think much of it, figured she was watching TV or something. She came into my room a few minutes later with a strange look. She said "so you are just a man whore aren't you". I had no idea what she was talking about until she pulled my phone out of her pocket. While I was sleeping this phsyco had read all of my texts, gone through my call history, examined my pictures, etc. Regardless of whether I have anything to hide, I continue this a gross invasion of my privacy and I told her it was over and basically through her out. I found out later that she had also told several people in a bar the night before that we were "fuck buddies" and had been for a long time. Clearly she falls into the crazy category. Not to mention I had already been threatened by both her mom and sister. Crazy family as well I guess.

So that was over and it was time to go out looking for a new girl. I went to the same local watering hole I met Jessica at and as fate would have it, she was there. It felt like the first night all over again. Great conversation, very comfortable, and a lot of fun. She and several other friends all came back to my place that night and she stayed over again. Now here's where it get interesting.

The following morning, Jessica and I, along with a few others, were all sitting on my front porch having our morning cig and coffee. A car rolls up slowly to the front of the house. I didn't recognize the car or driver but quickly noticed Yasmine sitting in the passenger seat. It occurred to me then that her jacket was in my closet and she had probably come back for it. My friends are all smiling ear to ear at this point waiting to see how this will turn out. A raced in the house and up the stairs in an effort to grab the jacket and get it out to the car before Yasmine came up to the house where Jessica was sitting. As I hurried back down the stairs, Yasmine was already in the house waiting for me, and she did not look happy. I handed her the jacket and tried to motion toward the door. She said "how the hell do you know Jessica?". I couldn't believe my ears. I told her that I had met Jessica out and we were dating and asked if they knew one another (which they obviously did). The following sentence floored me. Yasmine said "we grew up together, I have known her my entire life, that's her little brother outside who drove me here". Unbelievable!!! I walk back outside with Yasmine and Jessica is sitting there apparently in shock. As we walk out, her brother had apparently had enough. I guess bringing a girl to my house who I had been with two nights before and finding his sister siting there in pj's was more than he could handle. He drove off in anger and now I am left with two girls who obviously aren't happy with me and neither have transportation.

I told Jessica that I needed to run Yasmine home and would explain everything when I returned. If she was not willing to wait (which would have been understandable), I assured her my roommate would run her to her car. Yasmine and I got in the car for a very uncomfortable drive. Just to cap off the fun, when I pulled up to Yasmine's place her mom literally came out the door at a full sprint screaming foul language at me. I'm still unsure what I did to cause that, but things with Yasmine were over anyway, so I wasn't about to hang around and find out. I tore out of there and headed up. Jessica did in fact wait and I explained the truth of everything. Surprisingly she took it pretty well and we dated for a couple more weeks before it fizzled out. The rest of the day was full of laughter about that mornings incident and obviously a lot of fun poked at me. No worries, it could have gone a lot worse.

Anyway, that's were the title of this post comes from. My friends believed that my life was as good as any TV reality show and needed a name. After a lot of idea which included Olde Hailey 45458 (our street name), As Olde Hailey turns, etc, the group settled on Desperate Doughbag.