So I met Mary through a friend. It was at a Halloween party (I warned you these wouldn't be in order), she was dressed as a sexy cop, and damn was she sexy. We hit it off when I took off my wig and mustache and she could actually see me. A little making out ensued that night and I'm certain more would have happened had we not been on her friends couch.
She invited me to an election party a few days later and I accepted. I showed up at the hotel bar where it was being held, and looked all over for her. I didn't see her so I ordered a drink and waited. She walked over shortly after, she had been there but I had not noticed. She was still an attractive girl, but I'll admit, she was lacking a little when the cop costume was no longer there. But I digress. So she asked me to come join her at her table. As we walked over I noticed and older couple sitting there. Guess who??? Mom and Dad!!!!! Are you fricking kidding me? On the first date I am being introduced to the parents. Well anyway, I was stuck so I went with it. They were good people, and I had a fairly good time. We ended up getting loaded and got a room at the hotel for the night. Again, getting girls in bed seems to just happen naturally for me, so in no time we were hot and heavy. This is where the strange in bed shows up. Not maybe some guys are into this stuff, but for me, it's wierd. And by the way, I didn't mention this in the post about Stephanie, but more often than not, she was like the following too. Mary insisted that I pull her hair. When I say pull her hair, I mean nearly rip it out of her scalp. She also demanded that I smack her ass as hard as I possibly could. Call her names, etc. Maybe role playing from time to time would be ok, but it turned out this was an every time thing for her. Clearly you can tell I didn't like it.
Beyond the sex problems, Mary also quickly got too serious. I tried to slow her down, but it was a no go. She wouldn't stop talking about how she had never felt so close to a person, etc (yes I know you have heard this before). She starting buying me and my dogs presents for no reason. it was becoming a problem. I ended things with her. She cried a lot, but at 29 years old, she handled it better than most of the kids I date.
It would have been over cleanly, but the next week I brought a new date to a party that I didn't anticipate Mary being at (the new date was Stephanie, like I said, these are not in order). Mary was cool at first, but after a few drinks she began to curse at me and threaten me. It got pretty ugly, and that is the last heard from Mary.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Amanda: another 22 year old, will I ever learn.
Ok, I just don't get women at all, but then again, maybe if I stopped dating girls nearly 10 years my junior, I wouldn't keep having these problems.
So I met Amanda through my friend Emily. They are cousins. I should have known from the beginning that dating a family member of a close friend was bad all by itself, but hey I went for it. Amanda was gorgeous. 5'11, 120 pounds soaking wet, absolutely beautiful. She seemed fairly intelligent and had a great dry sense of humor that I couldn't get enough of. She wasn't really the date type, so we would usually just meet for drinks and hang out. No fancy dinners or anything like that. It didn't take long before she began to show her age and drive me insane. All she every talked about was how her mom pissed her off, or her friend pissed her off, or a co-worker pissed her off. Constant drama. She would keep me on the phone blabbering about it for hours. I felt like I was a teenager we spent so much time on the damn phone. She also constantly talked about all of this stuff she wanted to do together. "I can't wait to take you to...." "I can't wait to introduce you to...." "we should quit smoking together", etc etc.
Yet, everytime I tried to nail down some time with her she would blow me off at the last minute. She said she didn't want to get into a relationship in a hurry, and I get that. But come on, all I asked is that if she makes plans with me, she keep them. I got frustrated after the third time she cancelled and told her I didn't see it going anywhere. She handled it very well. We both said no hard feelings, and that was the end of it. So I thought.....
I'm convinced these things never end cleanly. This one wasn't horrible, but guessing we wont be friends. Later that night, she texted me. I didn't save the message, so I am quoting loosely, but it said something like "you will never find someone as beautiful as me, you will miss me, and when you do, I won't answer the phone". Well I was a few beers in at this point and apparantly not capable of taking the high road. I am strangly proud of my response, but should never have sent it. I said "Baby, I'll replace your ass before the bars close".
Clearly, I have not heard from her sinse and suspect that I wont.
Oh well, on to the next one.
So I met Amanda through my friend Emily. They are cousins. I should have known from the beginning that dating a family member of a close friend was bad all by itself, but hey I went for it. Amanda was gorgeous. 5'11, 120 pounds soaking wet, absolutely beautiful. She seemed fairly intelligent and had a great dry sense of humor that I couldn't get enough of. She wasn't really the date type, so we would usually just meet for drinks and hang out. No fancy dinners or anything like that. It didn't take long before she began to show her age and drive me insane. All she every talked about was how her mom pissed her off, or her friend pissed her off, or a co-worker pissed her off. Constant drama. She would keep me on the phone blabbering about it for hours. I felt like I was a teenager we spent so much time on the damn phone. She also constantly talked about all of this stuff she wanted to do together. "I can't wait to take you to...." "I can't wait to introduce you to...." "we should quit smoking together", etc etc.
Yet, everytime I tried to nail down some time with her she would blow me off at the last minute. She said she didn't want to get into a relationship in a hurry, and I get that. But come on, all I asked is that if she makes plans with me, she keep them. I got frustrated after the third time she cancelled and told her I didn't see it going anywhere. She handled it very well. We both said no hard feelings, and that was the end of it. So I thought.....
I'm convinced these things never end cleanly. This one wasn't horrible, but guessing we wont be friends. Later that night, she texted me. I didn't save the message, so I am quoting loosely, but it said something like "you will never find someone as beautiful as me, you will miss me, and when you do, I won't answer the phone". Well I was a few beers in at this point and apparantly not capable of taking the high road. I am strangly proud of my response, but should never have sent it. I said "Baby, I'll replace your ass before the bars close".
Clearly, I have not heard from her sinse and suspect that I wont.
Oh well, on to the next one.
Erin: The internet produces a good one, maybe I'm the one who is screwed up?
Of course, I would not be back on here telling stories had it worked out.
So Plentyoffish.com finally produced a date. She was young (23), which already broke a rule that I never seem to adhere to, but what are you gonna do? We exchanged a few emails, followed by a couple of phone calls, and then our 1st date. She invited me over to have dinner at her place. Now this was a red flag to begin with. Come on ladies, how do you know I'm not some axe yielding rapist. Either way, when you live on fast/bar food like I do, a home cooked meal sounds pretty appealing. She cooked an amazing dinner and then we talked for hours. I tell you folks I had finally found a good one. She was attractive, sweet, funny, a great cook, etc.
In fact, just to illustrate the fact that I think I am messed up in the head, let me list her good qualities.
Very cute
Very very kind
Amazing cook
Animal Lover
Great Sex
Nice family
Educated
Good Job
Own place (very clean by the way)
I guess if I could pin point anything wrong with her, it would be that she came on a bit strong. I ended up meeting both her parents on a few occasions withing the first couple of weeks. I tried to over look it (and probably inadvertantly encouraged it), but it was scaring the hell out of me. I liked her (there was a lot to like), but after my track record of misery, I wanted to know her better before getting so serious. Or at least that is what I told myself.
After a couple of weeks I noticed something disturbing. Even though she seemed amazing, I was finding myself anxious to leave when I was with her. I would feel relieved as I drove home, and I made little effort to schedule future dates. Had it not been for her perseverance, I doubt we ever would have seen additional dates. I told her that i didn't feel like the relationship was going anywhere and cut her loose. She was very hurt, but handled it maturely.
Then, in typical me fashion, I saw her again several days later. She stayed over and of course we had sex. I was really upset with myself, but found a way to blame her, insisting that she should have known better.
Anyway, she moved on and is now seeing someone else. I know this was one of my more boring posts, but it is starting to make me see that I may have more issues than just bad luck. I think an entire blog on that subject is coming soon.
So Plentyoffish.com finally produced a date. She was young (23), which already broke a rule that I never seem to adhere to, but what are you gonna do? We exchanged a few emails, followed by a couple of phone calls, and then our 1st date. She invited me over to have dinner at her place. Now this was a red flag to begin with. Come on ladies, how do you know I'm not some axe yielding rapist. Either way, when you live on fast/bar food like I do, a home cooked meal sounds pretty appealing. She cooked an amazing dinner and then we talked for hours. I tell you folks I had finally found a good one. She was attractive, sweet, funny, a great cook, etc.
In fact, just to illustrate the fact that I think I am messed up in the head, let me list her good qualities.
Very cute
Very very kind
Amazing cook
Animal Lover
Great Sex
Nice family
Educated
Good Job
Own place (very clean by the way)
I guess if I could pin point anything wrong with her, it would be that she came on a bit strong. I ended up meeting both her parents on a few occasions withing the first couple of weeks. I tried to over look it (and probably inadvertantly encouraged it), but it was scaring the hell out of me. I liked her (there was a lot to like), but after my track record of misery, I wanted to know her better before getting so serious. Or at least that is what I told myself.
After a couple of weeks I noticed something disturbing. Even though she seemed amazing, I was finding myself anxious to leave when I was with her. I would feel relieved as I drove home, and I made little effort to schedule future dates. Had it not been for her perseverance, I doubt we ever would have seen additional dates. I told her that i didn't feel like the relationship was going anywhere and cut her loose. She was very hurt, but handled it maturely.
Then, in typical me fashion, I saw her again several days later. She stayed over and of course we had sex. I was really upset with myself, but found a way to blame her, insisting that she should have known better.
Anyway, she moved on and is now seeing someone else. I know this was one of my more boring posts, but it is starting to make me see that I may have more issues than just bad luck. I think an entire blog on that subject is coming soon.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Stephanie: Sweet girl but redefines clingy
(January 2009)
Ok, first of all, I have given up on writing these in the order they occurred. At this point I am just trying to get all the good stuff written so I can start posting these stories as they happen.
So this one is about the girl that I am trying to end things with as we speak. I say trying because she is not going away quietly (which is partly my fault as you will see). I met Stephanie on Monday during happy hour at a local bar. She had just broken up with her boyfriend and was drinking to forget (in my opinion). She was eye fucking me from a few seats down the bar and ended up passing me a note with her name and number. By the way, what is up with note passing in bars. It has happened to me three times in the last 3 months and I see more and more of it when I'm out. Didn't we stop that in middle school? Anyway, so they note got my attention and I went down to talk to her. We hit it off instantly and she invited me back to her place. There were 4 of us at this time so she was amongst friends. Otherwise I would have found it very strange that she invited me back.
So we get to her place and had a couple more drinks. Within an hour or so the others left and it was just the two of us. In not time at all we were going at it on the couch. I think it will take another blog to explain how I always end up in bed with these girls on the first night, but I guess when I decide I want some lovin I know the right things to say. Anyway, we do are thing (a few times over) and I stayed the night.
In the morning we were messing around with her laptop and added each other to our myspace friends lists. I was looking at the pictures on her page and was shocked at what I saw. I came across a picture of her and my X monica cheek to cheek. It turns out they work at the same restaurant and are friends (you read about Monica in my first post). Unbelievable, this city has gotten way to small. I told her, and she said she was into me and didn't care. I should have known that pursuing this further was a mistake, but oh well.
I took off shortly after and in no time she was calling to hang out later that day. Clearly I was dealing with a clingy girl, but she was sweet, young (22), and hot, so why not. We proceeded to spend nearly every day together for the following couple of weeks. Within a week I was getting the statements that scare me off. "I am falling for you", "I've never felt like this before", etc. I started to back a way a bit, but I did like her, so I was not trying to disappear. Then the drama began. On a Saturday that I had plans with the guys, she asked me to at least drop by on my way out and give her a kiss. I knew that really meant "booty call", so why not. I swung by, we did our thing. As I was leaving she said she was concerned about something and proceeded to accuse me of having something going on with my close friend Holly. I hate jealousy, so this rubbed me the wrong way, but I left it alone. I say of course not, and headed out with the guys. Late that night, 1am I think, she called and asked if she could come over when I got home. I was under the impression that she had to work early Sunday morning, and asked her how she could do that and why she wasn't asleep yet. She said she called off so she could spend the night with me. Stephanie had just spent the prior day in tears because of her financial situation. It pissed me off that she would give up money that she claimed to desperately need for a few extra hours with me. I told her I would pick her up though.
I got to her house about 1:30 and another guy friend of hers was there. She came out of the bathroom to answer the door and was wearing nothing but a t-shirt which was not long enough to cover all of the goods (front or back). I couldn't believe it. She said she was just cleaning up for me and that she didn't realize he was sitting where he was and didn't think he would be able to see her when she opened the door for me. This all looked a little fishy to me and being that I was already pissed off about the things above, I told her I didn't want to see her anymore and I took off.
The next day I started to think that maybe I was a little to hard on her, so I went to her place to talk. We did very little talking, and after a little bedroom fun we had both forgotten all about it. BIG MISTAKE. By the end of the following week I realized I should have stuck to my guns. I didn't really trust her anymore, and found myself making excuses to get out of seeing her. I called her and politely told her it was over.
Here is when I start being me and making big mistakes. I broke up with her on a Friday, and on the following Saturday night I went out with a bunch of people and got wasted (taking my mind of things I suppose). I get up Sunday and check my phone. I had a text from Stephanie that said "did you mean everything you said in your voicemail last night? I miss you, lets talk". I raced through the buttons on my phone to get to my call history, and sure enough, I called her at 3:30 am and the call was 46 seconds long. I had and have no recollection of this call. I didn't want to admit that though, so I went over to her house to talk. Once again, very little talking, and lots of sex, and boom we are dating again. So I am an asshole right, yep pretty much, keep reading.
The following Wednesday (a few days ago), I decide to break it off again, and this time I was sticking to my guns. I went to her house and had the talk all over again. She was destroyed, tears were plentiful, and there was even some punching of my chest involved. Anyway, I took my punches (both literally and figuratively) and left. There have been a few texts exchanged in the last few days, but nothing substantial. She seems to be going away, and I seem to be letting her go.
It's just like me to add insult to injury, and last night was no exception. I was texting another girl (who will get her own post soon) all night while out with friends. This new girl was trying to get me to come over which I passed on. At about 2am I sent her a msg saying, "I'm sorry girl, I really wanted to get with you tonight, but I couldn't get free. I'll come over soon". No big deal right? Well, it shouldn't have been, but apparently in a drunken stupor I clicked on the wrong name in my phone and sent that msg to Stephanie. I guess I have inadvertently made it my mission to break this girls heart over and over again. Not real proud of myself.
Needless to say, there is now a restaurant in town that I will never eat at again (and a bar where I know they all hang out). I'm sure there is a very aggressive "I hate Joe club" forming at their restaurant.
Sometimes I play the game on purpose. Some girls are just a glutton for punishment and I don't lose any sleep over messing with their minds a bit. Other times I am just a bad person and find myself deeply regretting my actions. Stephanie is a case of the latter.
Stephanie, you will never read this, but I am very sorry, you are a good girl, good luck to you!
Ok, first of all, I have given up on writing these in the order they occurred. At this point I am just trying to get all the good stuff written so I can start posting these stories as they happen.
So this one is about the girl that I am trying to end things with as we speak. I say trying because she is not going away quietly (which is partly my fault as you will see). I met Stephanie on Monday during happy hour at a local bar. She had just broken up with her boyfriend and was drinking to forget (in my opinion). She was eye fucking me from a few seats down the bar and ended up passing me a note with her name and number. By the way, what is up with note passing in bars. It has happened to me three times in the last 3 months and I see more and more of it when I'm out. Didn't we stop that in middle school? Anyway, so they note got my attention and I went down to talk to her. We hit it off instantly and she invited me back to her place. There were 4 of us at this time so she was amongst friends. Otherwise I would have found it very strange that she invited me back.
So we get to her place and had a couple more drinks. Within an hour or so the others left and it was just the two of us. In not time at all we were going at it on the couch. I think it will take another blog to explain how I always end up in bed with these girls on the first night, but I guess when I decide I want some lovin I know the right things to say. Anyway, we do are thing (a few times over) and I stayed the night.
In the morning we were messing around with her laptop and added each other to our myspace friends lists. I was looking at the pictures on her page and was shocked at what I saw. I came across a picture of her and my X monica cheek to cheek. It turns out they work at the same restaurant and are friends (you read about Monica in my first post). Unbelievable, this city has gotten way to small. I told her, and she said she was into me and didn't care. I should have known that pursuing this further was a mistake, but oh well.
I took off shortly after and in no time she was calling to hang out later that day. Clearly I was dealing with a clingy girl, but she was sweet, young (22), and hot, so why not. We proceeded to spend nearly every day together for the following couple of weeks. Within a week I was getting the statements that scare me off. "I am falling for you", "I've never felt like this before", etc. I started to back a way a bit, but I did like her, so I was not trying to disappear. Then the drama began. On a Saturday that I had plans with the guys, she asked me to at least drop by on my way out and give her a kiss. I knew that really meant "booty call", so why not. I swung by, we did our thing. As I was leaving she said she was concerned about something and proceeded to accuse me of having something going on with my close friend Holly. I hate jealousy, so this rubbed me the wrong way, but I left it alone. I say of course not, and headed out with the guys. Late that night, 1am I think, she called and asked if she could come over when I got home. I was under the impression that she had to work early Sunday morning, and asked her how she could do that and why she wasn't asleep yet. She said she called off so she could spend the night with me. Stephanie had just spent the prior day in tears because of her financial situation. It pissed me off that she would give up money that she claimed to desperately need for a few extra hours with me. I told her I would pick her up though.
I got to her house about 1:30 and another guy friend of hers was there. She came out of the bathroom to answer the door and was wearing nothing but a t-shirt which was not long enough to cover all of the goods (front or back). I couldn't believe it. She said she was just cleaning up for me and that she didn't realize he was sitting where he was and didn't think he would be able to see her when she opened the door for me. This all looked a little fishy to me and being that I was already pissed off about the things above, I told her I didn't want to see her anymore and I took off.
The next day I started to think that maybe I was a little to hard on her, so I went to her place to talk. We did very little talking, and after a little bedroom fun we had both forgotten all about it. BIG MISTAKE. By the end of the following week I realized I should have stuck to my guns. I didn't really trust her anymore, and found myself making excuses to get out of seeing her. I called her and politely told her it was over.
Here is when I start being me and making big mistakes. I broke up with her on a Friday, and on the following Saturday night I went out with a bunch of people and got wasted (taking my mind of things I suppose). I get up Sunday and check my phone. I had a text from Stephanie that said "did you mean everything you said in your voicemail last night? I miss you, lets talk". I raced through the buttons on my phone to get to my call history, and sure enough, I called her at 3:30 am and the call was 46 seconds long. I had and have no recollection of this call. I didn't want to admit that though, so I went over to her house to talk. Once again, very little talking, and lots of sex, and boom we are dating again. So I am an asshole right, yep pretty much, keep reading.
The following Wednesday (a few days ago), I decide to break it off again, and this time I was sticking to my guns. I went to her house and had the talk all over again. She was destroyed, tears were plentiful, and there was even some punching of my chest involved. Anyway, I took my punches (both literally and figuratively) and left. There have been a few texts exchanged in the last few days, but nothing substantial. She seems to be going away, and I seem to be letting her go.
It's just like me to add insult to injury, and last night was no exception. I was texting another girl (who will get her own post soon) all night while out with friends. This new girl was trying to get me to come over which I passed on. At about 2am I sent her a msg saying, "I'm sorry girl, I really wanted to get with you tonight, but I couldn't get free. I'll come over soon". No big deal right? Well, it shouldn't have been, but apparently in a drunken stupor I clicked on the wrong name in my phone and sent that msg to Stephanie. I guess I have inadvertently made it my mission to break this girls heart over and over again. Not real proud of myself.
Needless to say, there is now a restaurant in town that I will never eat at again (and a bar where I know they all hang out). I'm sure there is a very aggressive "I hate Joe club" forming at their restaurant.
Sometimes I play the game on purpose. Some girls are just a glutton for punishment and I don't lose any sleep over messing with their minds a bit. Other times I am just a bad person and find myself deeply regretting my actions. Stephanie is a case of the latter.
Stephanie, you will never read this, but I am very sorry, you are a good girl, good luck to you!
Julie: Dating on the Internet: It hasn't failed to produce a crazy yet!
(late September 2008)
I am the type of guy who likes to hedge e my bets. I love meeting women out on the town, and typically have more success that way. However, I refuse to limit myself to just one tactic. Therefore I also use the Internet to seek out new dates. Craigslist and Plentyoffish are my two favorites. Basically because they are both free. As mentioned in other blogs, I don't really have any trouble meeting women, so I would never spend money on Match.com (or something similar) to find a date.
Thus far the Internet has produced nothing but girls with issues, fake pictures, or both.
Most recently I met a girl names Julie. She replied to an add that I put on Craigslist. She immediately game me her phone number which was a huge red flag. I should have known at that moment to not reply, but its me were talking about, so of course I did. I was out of town at the time, so we sent 3 or 4 emails each and when I got home on a Saturday I called her. We talked for hours on the phone and had a pretty good conversation. It turned sour when she asked me about my sexual habits, likes and dislikes, etc. Don't get me wrong, I love sex (probably too much) and have no problem discussing it, but during the 1st conversation? So now we have two big red flags, but did I split, nope. We made plans to go out the following Monday. I was supposed to call her Sunday evening but got caught up with the guys watching the NFL and it slipped my mind. When I went to my room to get my phone I had 4 back to back missed calls from her wondering why I hadn't called. So now we have 3 red flags, so I dropped her like a bad habit right? NOPE!!
I told her to do a better job hiding the crazy, confirmed plans for Monday and then got off the phone. At roughly 5 on Monday we were discussing our plans on the phone while I was driving to my folks. When I got to my parents house I told her I would call her back when I was done there and we could finalize everything. She asked me how long I would be and I said 45 minutes or so. I was there right at an hour and when I got back in the car I had 7 missed calls. So I'm 15 minutes behind schedule and she has already tried to call me 7 times?? You're thinking that I had to have ditched her now right, still no. I again told her to watch the crazy because I wasn't going to put up with it. She apologized and we chatted for a bit.
We were discussing our plans when she asked me if her 2 year old daughter could say hello. Mind you, I have never met this girl in person, less her daughter. I didn't want to be an ass so I said sure. Little Alena gets on the phone and says words that still echo in my head to this day. "will you and my mommy make me a little brother?". I wish I were kidding, but it's the absolute truth. Obviously a two year old doesn't create a sentence like that on her own. Julie gets back on the phone and follows her daughters statement "isn't she adorable? So are you ready for the first night with your future wife?".
So now you ask, is that enough red flags for me to actually sprint for safety? YES!!! I told her I was no longer interested in going out with her and wished her luck in finding someone and hung up the phone. I hopped in the shower figuring I would just go watch Monday Night Football instead. I was probably in the bathroom for 30 minutes all together. When I got back to my room I had roughly 12 calls and 12 text msgs. I didn't respond to any and headed to the bar. Within two hours my buddy and I counted well over 30 calls (most with voicemails left) and 25+ msgs.
Do I know how to pick em or what? And you want to know the funny part? Although I did blow her off for a while, I got bored the other night and called her and now we are talking again, lol.
I am the type of guy who likes to hedge e my bets. I love meeting women out on the town, and typically have more success that way. However, I refuse to limit myself to just one tactic. Therefore I also use the Internet to seek out new dates. Craigslist and Plentyoffish are my two favorites. Basically because they are both free. As mentioned in other blogs, I don't really have any trouble meeting women, so I would never spend money on Match.com (or something similar) to find a date.
Thus far the Internet has produced nothing but girls with issues, fake pictures, or both.
Most recently I met a girl names Julie. She replied to an add that I put on Craigslist. She immediately game me her phone number which was a huge red flag. I should have known at that moment to not reply, but its me were talking about, so of course I did. I was out of town at the time, so we sent 3 or 4 emails each and when I got home on a Saturday I called her. We talked for hours on the phone and had a pretty good conversation. It turned sour when she asked me about my sexual habits, likes and dislikes, etc. Don't get me wrong, I love sex (probably too much) and have no problem discussing it, but during the 1st conversation? So now we have two big red flags, but did I split, nope. We made plans to go out the following Monday. I was supposed to call her Sunday evening but got caught up with the guys watching the NFL and it slipped my mind. When I went to my room to get my phone I had 4 back to back missed calls from her wondering why I hadn't called. So now we have 3 red flags, so I dropped her like a bad habit right? NOPE!!
I told her to do a better job hiding the crazy, confirmed plans for Monday and then got off the phone. At roughly 5 on Monday we were discussing our plans on the phone while I was driving to my folks. When I got to my parents house I told her I would call her back when I was done there and we could finalize everything. She asked me how long I would be and I said 45 minutes or so. I was there right at an hour and when I got back in the car I had 7 missed calls. So I'm 15 minutes behind schedule and she has already tried to call me 7 times?? You're thinking that I had to have ditched her now right, still no. I again told her to watch the crazy because I wasn't going to put up with it. She apologized and we chatted for a bit.
We were discussing our plans when she asked me if her 2 year old daughter could say hello. Mind you, I have never met this girl in person, less her daughter. I didn't want to be an ass so I said sure. Little Alena gets on the phone and says words that still echo in my head to this day. "will you and my mommy make me a little brother?". I wish I were kidding, but it's the absolute truth. Obviously a two year old doesn't create a sentence like that on her own. Julie gets back on the phone and follows her daughters statement "isn't she adorable? So are you ready for the first night with your future wife?".
So now you ask, is that enough red flags for me to actually sprint for safety? YES!!! I told her I was no longer interested in going out with her and wished her luck in finding someone and hung up the phone. I hopped in the shower figuring I would just go watch Monday Night Football instead. I was probably in the bathroom for 30 minutes all together. When I got back to my room I had roughly 12 calls and 12 text msgs. I didn't respond to any and headed to the bar. Within two hours my buddy and I counted well over 30 calls (most with voicemails left) and 25+ msgs.
Do I know how to pick em or what? And you want to know the funny part? Although I did blow her off for a while, I got bored the other night and called her and now we are talking again, lol.
A side note:: Am I cursed by J's & M's??
While telling my roommate today about my new blog, he made an interesting point. Maybe I am just cursed. We started recounting some of my stories in an effort to produce more subject matter for this blog and while discussing some of my past relationships we discovered a trend. An unbelieveable amount of the women I have dated had names that started with an M or a J. Lets list them for fun (not in order, that would be too difficult).
Michelle - This goes back to high school. She cheated on my several times over, really screwed me over
Jill - You read about her in my opening post. The butcher knife girl who stole most my property.
Meredith - Also in my opening blog. A sweet girl, but so wrong for me in a million ways.
Julie - A nut job that you will soon here about in a post to come. I've never been called and texted so many times in 2 hour period.
Michelle #2 - Not too bad, but one of my many stage 5 clingers, and my time with her resulted in a rufinal incident and vandalism to my vehicle. This goes back to last spring, but just decided it deserves a post (wait and see).
Jessica - Part of my favorite story "its a small world after all". Not a bad girl, but why did she tell me how strong her feelings were after just a few dates. Kinda Creepy. And where was her self respect, she should have been running for the hills when the Yasmine incident occurred.
Monica - you read about her in my opener, just plain pure evil. Probably the only person I have ever know that could get hit by a bus and I wouldn't blink.
Mary - Buying gifts for me and my dog in the first 2 weeks. Telling me she has never felt this way before after 10 days. Kinda scary in bed. Yikes.
Mika "Yasmine" - I know its a Y, but her real name is Mika, and she allowed people to pronounce her name Jasmine. You also read about her in an earlier post. Crazy chic, crazy family, etc.
Mel - Married and would not live me alone. Showed up at my door constatly, always tried to trap me one on one. Loaded me with alcohal a few times and we did things I am not proud off. I don't mess with married women, but Mel was an exception and a mistake.
I'm forgetting a few others. I should have written them down when mark and I discussed it earlier. Oh well, kind of pointless blog, but I found it funny.
Michelle - This goes back to high school. She cheated on my several times over, really screwed me over
Jill - You read about her in my opening post. The butcher knife girl who stole most my property.
Meredith - Also in my opening blog. A sweet girl, but so wrong for me in a million ways.
Julie - A nut job that you will soon here about in a post to come. I've never been called and texted so many times in 2 hour period.
Michelle #2 - Not too bad, but one of my many stage 5 clingers, and my time with her resulted in a rufinal incident and vandalism to my vehicle. This goes back to last spring, but just decided it deserves a post (wait and see).
Jessica - Part of my favorite story "its a small world after all". Not a bad girl, but why did she tell me how strong her feelings were after just a few dates. Kinda Creepy. And where was her self respect, she should have been running for the hills when the Yasmine incident occurred.
Monica - you read about her in my opener, just plain pure evil. Probably the only person I have ever know that could get hit by a bus and I wouldn't blink.
Mary - Buying gifts for me and my dog in the first 2 weeks. Telling me she has never felt this way before after 10 days. Kinda scary in bed. Yikes.
Mika "Yasmine" - I know its a Y, but her real name is Mika, and she allowed people to pronounce her name Jasmine. You also read about her in an earlier post. Crazy chic, crazy family, etc.
Mel - Married and would not live me alone. Showed up at my door constatly, always tried to trap me one on one. Loaded me with alcohal a few times and we did things I am not proud off. I don't mess with married women, but Mel was an exception and a mistake.
I'm forgetting a few others. I should have written them down when mark and I discussed it earlier. Oh well, kind of pointless blog, but I found it funny.
Jessica and Yasmine: Desperate Douchbag Episode 1 "Its a Small World After All"
(Mid September 2008)
Alright, lets start this out with my favorite story. All the post that follow will probably never live up to this one, but I have to tell them in order. Be patient and let this story develop, its worth it I promise.
So shortly after Monica and I split, I wiped away the tears, put my game face on and headed out on the town. On a Thursday evening, at one of my favorite local watering holes, I met Jessica. As I tell these stories, you will find that women fall into one of two distinct categories. The crazy ones that deserve anything that comes to them, and the innocent ones that get caught up in the mix. Well Jessica definitely falls into the innocent category. We talked for hours that night and seemed to have a great deal in common. She lived a long way away from the bar and we drank for hours. As a result I invited her to stay at my place with a promise of no funny business. She agreed, probably based on the kind words the bartender had to say about me.
You will see as you read my blog that the promise of "no funny business" never quite works out. This is not to say that I take women home with a plan to charm their panties off, but yet it usually happens that way. Jessica and I did in fact go the distance and had a nice kiss goodbye in the bar parking lot the next morning. I waited the standard couple of days and then called her to go out again. I got no response and felt as if I was being blown off. I am not the type to over pursue, so I backed away (for the moment anyway). That following Sunday, a friend of mine brought a girl named Yasmine to a little Sunday football party we were having. They were together, but you could tell they hadn't been for long. It's not my style to pursue a friends girl, but he didn't seem all that into her anyway. He actually got into an argument with her and left and I swooped in. I had her interested in no time and we ended up going out later that week. She also ended up in my bed in a hurry and we had a few straight days of fun.
In the mean time I started hearing from Jessica again, so now I find myself talking to two girls, which is dangerous territory. That Friday Yasmine and I went out again and again she stayed at my place. I woke up that morning and she wasn't in bed next to me. I didn't think much of it, figured she was watching TV or something. She came into my room a few minutes later with a strange look. She said "so you are just a man whore aren't you". I had no idea what she was talking about until she pulled my phone out of her pocket. While I was sleeping this phsyco had read all of my texts, gone through my call history, examined my pictures, etc. Regardless of whether I have anything to hide, I continue this a gross invasion of my privacy and I told her it was over and basically through her out. I found out later that she had also told several people in a bar the night before that we were "fuck buddies" and had been for a long time. Clearly she falls into the crazy category. Not to mention I had already been threatened by both her mom and sister. Crazy family as well I guess.
So that was over and it was time to go out looking for a new girl. I went to the same local watering hole I met Jessica at and as fate would have it, she was there. It felt like the first night all over again. Great conversation, very comfortable, and a lot of fun. She and several other friends all came back to my place that night and she stayed over again. Now here's where it get interesting.
The following morning, Jessica and I, along with a few others, were all sitting on my front porch having our morning cig and coffee. A car rolls up slowly to the front of the house. I didn't recognize the car or driver but quickly noticed Yasmine sitting in the passenger seat. It occurred to me then that her jacket was in my closet and she had probably come back for it. My friends are all smiling ear to ear at this point waiting to see how this will turn out. A raced in the house and up the stairs in an effort to grab the jacket and get it out to the car before Yasmine came up to the house where Jessica was sitting. As I hurried back down the stairs, Yasmine was already in the house waiting for me, and she did not look happy. I handed her the jacket and tried to motion toward the door. She said "how the hell do you know Jessica?". I couldn't believe my ears. I told her that I had met Jessica out and we were dating and asked if they knew one another (which they obviously did). The following sentence floored me. Yasmine said "we grew up together, I have known her my entire life, that's her little brother outside who drove me here". Unbelievable!!! I walk back outside with Yasmine and Jessica is sitting there apparently in shock. As we walk out, her brother had apparently had enough. I guess bringing a girl to my house who I had been with two nights before and finding his sister siting there in pj's was more than he could handle. He drove off in anger and now I am left with two girls who obviously aren't happy with me and neither have transportation.
I told Jessica that I needed to run Yasmine home and would explain everything when I returned. If she was not willing to wait (which would have been understandable), I assured her my roommate would run her to her car. Yasmine and I got in the car for a very uncomfortable drive. Just to cap off the fun, when I pulled up to Yasmine's place her mom literally came out the door at a full sprint screaming foul language at me. I'm still unsure what I did to cause that, but things with Yasmine were over anyway, so I wasn't about to hang around and find out. I tore out of there and headed up. Jessica did in fact wait and I explained the truth of everything. Surprisingly she took it pretty well and we dated for a couple more weeks before it fizzled out. The rest of the day was full of laughter about that mornings incident and obviously a lot of fun poked at me. No worries, it could have gone a lot worse.
Anyway, that's were the title of this post comes from. My friends believed that my life was as good as any TV reality show and needed a name. After a lot of idea which included Olde Hailey 45458 (our street name), As Olde Hailey turns, etc, the group settled on Desperate Doughbag.
Alright, lets start this out with my favorite story. All the post that follow will probably never live up to this one, but I have to tell them in order. Be patient and let this story develop, its worth it I promise.
So shortly after Monica and I split, I wiped away the tears, put my game face on and headed out on the town. On a Thursday evening, at one of my favorite local watering holes, I met Jessica. As I tell these stories, you will find that women fall into one of two distinct categories. The crazy ones that deserve anything that comes to them, and the innocent ones that get caught up in the mix. Well Jessica definitely falls into the innocent category. We talked for hours that night and seemed to have a great deal in common. She lived a long way away from the bar and we drank for hours. As a result I invited her to stay at my place with a promise of no funny business. She agreed, probably based on the kind words the bartender had to say about me.
You will see as you read my blog that the promise of "no funny business" never quite works out. This is not to say that I take women home with a plan to charm their panties off, but yet it usually happens that way. Jessica and I did in fact go the distance and had a nice kiss goodbye in the bar parking lot the next morning. I waited the standard couple of days and then called her to go out again. I got no response and felt as if I was being blown off. I am not the type to over pursue, so I backed away (for the moment anyway). That following Sunday, a friend of mine brought a girl named Yasmine to a little Sunday football party we were having. They were together, but you could tell they hadn't been for long. It's not my style to pursue a friends girl, but he didn't seem all that into her anyway. He actually got into an argument with her and left and I swooped in. I had her interested in no time and we ended up going out later that week. She also ended up in my bed in a hurry and we had a few straight days of fun.
In the mean time I started hearing from Jessica again, so now I find myself talking to two girls, which is dangerous territory. That Friday Yasmine and I went out again and again she stayed at my place. I woke up that morning and she wasn't in bed next to me. I didn't think much of it, figured she was watching TV or something. She came into my room a few minutes later with a strange look. She said "so you are just a man whore aren't you". I had no idea what she was talking about until she pulled my phone out of her pocket. While I was sleeping this phsyco had read all of my texts, gone through my call history, examined my pictures, etc. Regardless of whether I have anything to hide, I continue this a gross invasion of my privacy and I told her it was over and basically through her out. I found out later that she had also told several people in a bar the night before that we were "fuck buddies" and had been for a long time. Clearly she falls into the crazy category. Not to mention I had already been threatened by both her mom and sister. Crazy family as well I guess.
So that was over and it was time to go out looking for a new girl. I went to the same local watering hole I met Jessica at and as fate would have it, she was there. It felt like the first night all over again. Great conversation, very comfortable, and a lot of fun. She and several other friends all came back to my place that night and she stayed over again. Now here's where it get interesting.
The following morning, Jessica and I, along with a few others, were all sitting on my front porch having our morning cig and coffee. A car rolls up slowly to the front of the house. I didn't recognize the car or driver but quickly noticed Yasmine sitting in the passenger seat. It occurred to me then that her jacket was in my closet and she had probably come back for it. My friends are all smiling ear to ear at this point waiting to see how this will turn out. A raced in the house and up the stairs in an effort to grab the jacket and get it out to the car before Yasmine came up to the house where Jessica was sitting. As I hurried back down the stairs, Yasmine was already in the house waiting for me, and she did not look happy. I handed her the jacket and tried to motion toward the door. She said "how the hell do you know Jessica?". I couldn't believe my ears. I told her that I had met Jessica out and we were dating and asked if they knew one another (which they obviously did). The following sentence floored me. Yasmine said "we grew up together, I have known her my entire life, that's her little brother outside who drove me here". Unbelievable!!! I walk back outside with Yasmine and Jessica is sitting there apparently in shock. As we walk out, her brother had apparently had enough. I guess bringing a girl to my house who I had been with two nights before and finding his sister siting there in pj's was more than he could handle. He drove off in anger and now I am left with two girls who obviously aren't happy with me and neither have transportation.
I told Jessica that I needed to run Yasmine home and would explain everything when I returned. If she was not willing to wait (which would have been understandable), I assured her my roommate would run her to her car. Yasmine and I got in the car for a very uncomfortable drive. Just to cap off the fun, when I pulled up to Yasmine's place her mom literally came out the door at a full sprint screaming foul language at me. I'm still unsure what I did to cause that, but things with Yasmine were over anyway, so I wasn't about to hang around and find out. I tore out of there and headed up. Jessica did in fact wait and I explained the truth of everything. Surprisingly she took it pretty well and we dated for a couple more weeks before it fizzled out. The rest of the day was full of laughter about that mornings incident and obviously a lot of fun poked at me. No worries, it could have gone a lot worse.
Anyway, that's were the title of this post comes from. My friends believed that my life was as good as any TV reality show and needed a name. After a lot of idea which included Olde Hailey 45458 (our street name), As Olde Hailey turns, etc, the group settled on Desperate Doughbag.
I little history before I start story telling
I'm 30 and have lived and loved in the same town my entire life (which is shrinking as you will soon read). I suppose I've always been a little co-dependent. I get lonely very easily and prefer to be in some sort of relationship. Casual dating is enough to sustain that need with one problem..... I'm not going to get all arrogant just yet, but lets just say I rarely have much difficulty meeting women. As a result, casual dating regularly gets me into trouble because I end up dating several women at once. The blogs to follow will contain stories that started in September of 2008. Many many interesting things occurred prior to that, but my memory isn't that great, so we are going to start just a few months back. I will give you all a brief overview of the prior 10 years.
I started dating my highschool sweetheart at 17, married her at 21, and divorced her at 25. She was unfaithful several times and the entire scenario started the process of screwing me up.
Shortly after my divorce I met Jill. I could right novels on my year and a half with her. The climax was getting chased around the house with a butcher knife and having virtually everything I owned stolen by her. There are so many great stories here, but again, I'm not going that far back.
After Jill, followed what my friends call "the summer of Joe". I finally had the confidence I had been lacking and went on an absolute tear for several months. I broke a lot of hearts, dealt with a ton of drama, and drank like a fish. Again, there are several stories here, but unless requests come in (which I doubt), that's all I intend to say about that summer.
Six months after my breakup with Jill, I met Meredith. Meredith and I survived for 2.5 years and were only a few months away from our wedding day when I realized I was about to make another mistake and called it off. If I have any real regrets in life, then this was it. Mere is a wonderful person, and I hurt her badly. Somehow we salvaged a friendship, but I will always hate myself a little for hanging on to something that I new wasn't working for me and then crushing her.
I dated around for about 4 months after Meredith and I split and then I met the most evil women I have every known. Monica is the straw that broke the camels back and left me unhappy and unable to commit to much of anything. We were only together 3 months, but it was a whirlwind relationship. I fell in love fast and she was AMAZING for a short time. I had never before and probably never again felt a connection of this kind. I lost my job a couple months in and she encouraged me to give up my apartment and move in with her to save money while I looked for work. I knew it was fast, but under the circumstances, it made sense, so I packed my things. In a very short time, Monica began to show her true colors. She was a bigot like I had never encountered. She was horribly jealous and alienated me from my friends. She was very self centered. She actually said to me "you should be kissing my ass, all guys kiss my ass". I took her on a 2 week trip to Florida and spent a bunch of money I didn't have. Just a couple days after we returned she told me she wasn't happy and wanted me out. I loaded my clothes and dog into my jeep and headed to the bar with no clue where to go next.
I had just lost my love, my career, and my home in a 4 week period. I was crushed. I pleaded for her to reconsider (obviously I had no self respect at this point). She tore me apart in text msgs, emails, and voicemails. She then proceeded to flaunt new guys in front of me and spread rumors that I was stalking her. Trust me, guys like me don't stalk. I tried via the phone for 72 hours only to get her back, then came to my senses and never pursued her again. Either way, a good friend took me in and I have been living here and looking for work ever since. So the following posts will include stories of the women I have dated in the last 5 months, and I see no immediate end to them, so brace yourself, its gonna be fun (funny, tragic, etc.) ride.
Joe
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